The Consequences of Unforgiveness

I am revisiting an article from a lesson I taught the sisters in our women's group at my church. Some of it has been changed because many of the things we discussed do not apply to the general population, but the meat of this article is relevant to everyone.

I have had quite a few intense conversations with the Lord regarding unforgiveness. In this particular conversation I was asking Him why forgiveness was so hard for some people. It wasn’t something I could easily relate to as I have always been a very forgiving person for as long as I can remember.

The next morning the Lord said to me very clearly UNFORGIVENESS KILLS! He also spoke this to my heart: Everybody keeps looking at forgiveness as if it’s optional, but it’s not. It’s just like every other commandment I’ve given. And if I’ve commanded you to do it, then I’ve given you the means to get it done.

That was very powerful and I can still remember as I write today the intensity in which He spoke those words. After Adam’s treason against God, He could have chosen never to forgive or trust again; however, He did just the opposite. Because we are made in God’s image and His likeness, we have the capacity to do everything He does.

1 John 5:1-5 Living Bible (TLB)

"If you believe that Jesus is the Christ—that he is God’s Son and your Savior—then you are a child of God. And all who love the Father love his children too. 2 So you can find out how much you love God’s children—your brothers and sisters in the Lord—by how much you love and obey God. 3 Loving God means doing what he tells us to do, and really, that isn’t hard at all; 4 for every child of God can obey Him, defeating sin and evil pleasure by trusting Christ to help him. 5 But who could possibly fight and win this battle except by believing that Jesus is truly the Son of God?"

I say all this to say forgiveness is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Jesus came to earth to teach us how to live as He lived while He was here, and He made the biggest sacrifice of forgiveness EVER! These little fleeting things that have happened or will happen to us in our lifetime cannot begin to compare with what Jesus forgave. Because He commanded us to forgive - and we decide if we will or if we won’t – just like everything else He’s commanded us not to do and we do, it is sin.

In a pamphlet I was reading called The Forgiveness of God it was stated that “Christ like love” may make it necessary to withhold forgiveness until the one who has done the harm admits responsibility for it. I totally disagree with this statement and I went to the Lord about it. I asked Him to give me just one scripture that proves this statement to be incorrect and He actually gave me two - Romans 5:8: “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God does not withhold forgiveness. When He decided to send His Son to save us, we were at that time forgiven – we just have to decide if we will receive that forgiveness. The moment we accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior forgiveness is available to us just like healing, prosperity, deliverance, and everything else under the curse that Jesus died to give us. We just have to appropriate it or in other words receive it.

Think about it. When we accept Jesus into our lives we ask forgiveness of our sins. We don’t specifically say we’re sorry for this or that, and for that matter there are many people in the Bible who never asked forgiveness for their sins, yet Jesus said to them your sins are forgiven. Examples are the woman caught in the act of adultery, Peter, and Paul.

He also gave me Isaiah 43:25: I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins. Withholding forgiveness is never acceptable to God. He's never withheld it from us, so who do we think we are to withhold it from anyone else?

Forgiveness is for you, not the offender. Research denotes that unforgiving people have higher rates of stress-related disorders, cardiovascular disease, clinical depression, and lower immune system function, not to mention higher divorce rates. A person who has wronged you may never say they’re sorry or they may be dead and unable to say they’re sorry. If you're forgiving them after their death they cannot receive that forgiveness nor can they repent for what he did. Yes, forgiving those who are dead and gone is necessary because as I said it's for you, not for them. The reason I know is because the Lord instructed me to do so regarding someone who had been deceased for three months. When I asked Him why since the person was dead that is what He told me - it's for you not for them. Forgiveness contributes to a healthy life.

During the time of this teaching to my sisters in Christ we had recently come together to watch the movie, The Shack. The Lord ministered to me throughout that entire movie about many different things, unforgiveness being one of them. For those who haven't seen the movie of course you won't understand this. Maybe you can rent it if this piques your interest.

The Lord said in the boat scene where all that black stuff surrounded Mac in the water and started coming into the boat was representative of many unhealthy emotions – one of them being unforgiveness. Toward the end of the movie when God commanded Mac to forgive the man who killed his daughter God told him that unforgiveness was destroying him. This lines up with what the Lord had said to me earlier in that week – unforgiveness kills! Also the killer was not there to receive the forgiveness, another example that it truly was not for the killer, but for Mac.

Finally, forgiveness is ultimately an act of the will, not a stirring of the emotions. For a Christ-follower it is a matter of obedience. Forgiveness is an inward choice that produces a declaration, “I forgive you”. When we speak those words we declare the issue is dead and buried. That is not to say we won’t rehearse it, review it, or renew it. It does mean, however, when the issue comes to mind, take it to the Lord, not to the offender or let it rebuild resentment and/or bitterness in us.

We only have one life to live, and Jesus died so we could live it abundantly. There is no abundance in harboring something you were never designed to carry in the first place.